"T is for Turning"

My favorite concept from this week was “Turn Toward Each Other.”  I loved the story Dr. Gottman used from his own life:  

One day I overheard Julie grumbling softly as she unloaded the dryer.  I could easily have pretended not to notice.  But that grumble was a bid, a quiet one, but definitely a bid.  So I asked her what the matter was, and she said, “I don’t mind doing laundry, but I hate folding it!”  Well, I happen to like mindless tasks like folding shirts!  They give me a sense of accomplishment, sort of like going over streams of numbers in the lab.  So I turned toward my wife by taking over the folding.  I piled the laundry on the bed, turned on music featuring jazz composer Billy Evans and his magical piano, and I was in heaven.  Eventually Julie drifted into the room.  I knew she expected me to ask her for help, even though she hates folding laundry.  Instead, we both relaxed and enjoyed the music while I continued to fold.  Julie pointed out that it had been a long time since we’d been to our favorite local jazz club.  So we ended up heading there for dinner.  In the end, my turning toward that pile of laundry turned out to be very romantic for us.  

I appreciate how Gottman illustrates that something as simple as folding a load of laundry can lead to increased fondness and affection and a “very romantic” evening. 
Two main obstacles of “turning toward” are 1) wrapping up our “bids” in negative emotions and 2) allowing technology to distract us.  I am definitely guilty of the second obstacle, while I think my husband is most guilty of the first.  I am very heavily connected to technology in my volunteering, callings, and side jobs.  It is so easy for me to just “check out” and use technology as a distraction.  While I have valid reasons to be using the computer or phone or Internet, I use it as an excuse sometimes instead of “turning toward.”  I like the rule of thumb that if we turn off our phones at church or theaters, we could at least afford our spouses the same courtesy.  I need to work on this!  By following Gottman's flowchart, I can make sure that my choices are leading to "turning towards" instead of looping through negative or destructive behaviors.