Love Lab & Love Dare

I first read of Gottman’s “love lab” a few years ago and was fascinated.  In short, the “love lab” is an apartment set up with cameras, computers, and other technology that not only observe, but give biophysical information on couples staying there.  Using this information, Dr. Gottman says he can predict potential divorces with over 90% accuracy.  It didn’t originally seem possible that they could predict divorce with such accuracy and in such a short amount of time! 

Having read more about Gottman’s theories and letting them "marinate" over the time, I feel like it actually is possible to make such a forecast, especially having identified factors for success and the biggest one:  FRIENDSHIP.  One of the reasons I feel this is true is because of my own wonderful marriage.  My husband and I will only be celebrating 14 years of marriage this week, but I met him when I was only twelve.  We have known each other a long time and have a deep and abiding friendship.  At the end of the day, when all of the stressors (read: seven kids!) are removed, my husband and I are such good friends and like each other so much that it helps us ride the waves.

SOUND RELATIONSHIP HOUSE:


FOUR HORSEMEN:
Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling are given by Gottman as "certain kinds of negativity so lethal to a relationship, if allowed to run rampant."

THE LOVE DARE:  I was so excited when I saw clips from "Fireproof" were included in this week's reading/viewing!  One of my favorite tools in my marriage and something I recommend to pretty much everyone is "The Love Dare."  Whenever I feel like our marriage could use some refreshing or if I feel like I am in a rut of negative behavior, I start the 40-day dare.  I haven't ever made it all of the way through because, honestly, just a couple of days jump-starts me enough to get back on track.  I am including an attachment of the dares for people to look at.  Usually, just the first four days are more than enough to reset my mindset and even on the first day, my husband's reactions to me are kinder and gentler than they might have been previously.  Don't get me wrong, we have a great marriage!  But "The Love Dare" is kind of like my own private renewal of my marital vows and covenants and they certainly help knock The Four Horsemen, well, off of their horses!