1. I loved Elder Bruce C. Hafen’s article “Covenant Marriage.” I’ve mentioned before that as Latter-day Saints we believe that our marriages are different from those of our non-LDS friends and neighbors. I think Elder Hafen explains that far better than I can!
In previous classes I’ve taken towards a degree in Marriage and Family Studies, I learned the ramifications of “shacking up,” or living together before marriage. While a contractual marriage is surely better than living together outside the bonds of marriage, a covenant marriage is yet another step up. A contractual marriage can be fairly easy to divorce from. Sure, there might be custody arrangements to work out and household items to divide, but a covenant marriage has farther-reaching ramifications. To enter into a covenant marriage, you have to be willing to submit yourself fully to the relationship. As a member of our stake presidency recently said, “Getting married requires the proper amount of naivete and hormones.” You don’t always know what you’re getting into when you marry. My husband and I have a great marriage and we were very in love when we married, but where we stand now is a very different place than where we started. We couldn’t have anticipated the sadness, sickness, and other hurdles that we would face.
2. I’ve always loved that saying that marriage isn’t 50-50, it’s 100-100. Elder Hafen uses this same idea, but attributes each percentage to a type of marriage. It is selfish to say that each spouse must pull half of the weight in the relationship. This made me think of family and friends I know who have kept separate banks accounts when they married. Even my sister and her husband have their own bank accounts and each pay 50% of the bills. This seems so silly to me! What happens if someone gets paid less one month? Or loses their job? Do you start keeping a tab for your spouse?
Marriage is best lived 100-100. Each party should give their very best, aiming for perfection. Since none of us are perfect, we will inevitably fall short. But when we do, we can help compensate for one another to reach that goal of 100%. If my 80% is added to my husband’s 95%, then hooray! Together we surpass 100%! If we each aim to reach 50% and fall short, we can never attain that perfect score.
3. During our wedding reception, a family friend approached me and my husband and sketched out a little triangle on his placecard. I have saved that card for fourteen years (next week!) and will never forget his explanation. Elder David A. Bednar illustrated my friend’s same idea in “Marriage is Essential to His Eternal Plan.” Elder Bednar says, “The Lord Jesus Christ is the focal point in a covenant marriage relationship.” He goes on to explain that we should imagine marriage as being a triangle with the husband and wife separated at the two bottom corners and with Jesus Christ at the top corner. As we work to grow closer to Jesus Christ, we will naturally start to slide closer to our spouse. “As a husband and wife are each drawn to the Lord, as they learn to serve and cherish one another, as they share life experiences and grow together and become one, and as they are blessed through the uniting of their distinctive natures, they begin to realize the fulfillment that our Heavenly Father desires for His children.”
4. As I’ve pondered this week how I can make sure my marriage is a covenant marriage and not a contract marriage, I kept coming back to one thought. My husband and I were sealed in the temple, so I have the practical part of a covenant marriage “checked off,” so to speak. We are pretty good about doing things like praying together, reading the scriptures together, and so on. But when I thought about truly having a marriage where we are bonded and trying to grow closer to one another, I thought we must make sure we don’t slip into a marriage of convenience, or a contractual marriage. Elder Bednar explained this by saying, “Husbands and wives need time together to fortify themselves and their homes against the attacks of the adversary.”
4. As I’ve pondered this week how I can make sure my marriage is a covenant marriage and not a contract marriage, I kept coming back to one thought. My husband and I were sealed in the temple, so I have the practical part of a covenant marriage “checked off,” so to speak. We are pretty good about doing things like praying together, reading the scriptures together, and so on. But when I thought about truly having a marriage where we are bonded and trying to grow closer to one another, I thought we must make sure we don’t slip into a marriage of convenience, or a contractual marriage. Elder Bednar explained this by saying, “Husbands and wives need time together to fortify themselves and their homes against the attacks of the adversary.”
Man, that hit me like a ton of bricks! I love my husband. Dearly. I’ve known him since I was twelve, we have seven lovely children, and we have built a beautiful home and life together. But life can be hard. We have a lot on our plates and stress can creep in any chance we let it. Just due to our family dynamics, my husband and I don’t get much time together, just the two of us. Of course date night is always fun, but Elder Bednar implies that this is crucial to strengthening our families, especially against outside forces. I need to make sure that my husband and I fortify our marriage by having that stress-free (or at least less-stressful!) time together to improve ourselves as a marital unit - a covenanted marital unit. If we are strong as a couple, we can better serve our family. “They marry to give and grow, bound by covenants to each other, to the community, and to God.”
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