In his talk entitled “Agency and Anger, “ Elder Lynn G. Robbins puts forth the idea that anger is of the devil and that we have the agency to choose contention or to choose not to be angry. This applies directly to marriage as we interact with our spouses and, by extension, our children. “Unchecked, anger can quickly trigger an explosion of cruel words and other forms of emotional abuse that can scar a tender heart. It is “that which cometh out of the mouth,” the Savior said; “this defileth a man” (Matt. 15:11).”
I was raised in a house that always seemed angry and where my parents constantly yelled. Unfortunately, this created an underlying set of bad habits within me. When my oldest children were still young, I never raised my voice and always thought I would never treat them in the yelling manner in which my parents treated me. As my kids grew older and more children came and life became busier and more stressful, the yelling started creeping in. It’s something I absolutely hate about myself and I am very cognizant of it in my parenting. I know that it is ineffective, that it damages relationships, and I know that I can’t even defend the practice. And yet I do it!
This quote from William Wilbanks really hit home: “Aggression, … suppressing the anger, talking about it, screaming and yelling,” are all learned strategies in dealing with anger. “We choose the one that has proved effective for us in the past. Ever notice how seldom we lose control when frustrated by our boss, but how often we do when annoyed by friends or family?” I’ve mentioned before how we seem able to turn our best behavior on for those who have less intimate relationships with us, yet we let the bad behavior flow freely with those closest to us.
This reading, in addition to learning how damaging habits can affect our marital relationships, really struck a chord with me. I need to work harder on remembering that I am in control of how I react to the emotions I feel and that I can build better strategies that will be more conducive to a healthier marriage and healthier home.
I was raised in a house that always seemed angry and where my parents constantly yelled. Unfortunately, this created an underlying set of bad habits within me. When my oldest children were still young, I never raised my voice and always thought I would never treat them in the yelling manner in which my parents treated me. As my kids grew older and more children came and life became busier and more stressful, the yelling started creeping in. It’s something I absolutely hate about myself and I am very cognizant of it in my parenting. I know that it is ineffective, that it damages relationships, and I know that I can’t even defend the practice. And yet I do it!
This quote from William Wilbanks really hit home: “Aggression, … suppressing the anger, talking about it, screaming and yelling,” are all learned strategies in dealing with anger. “We choose the one that has proved effective for us in the past. Ever notice how seldom we lose control when frustrated by our boss, but how often we do when annoyed by friends or family?” I’ve mentioned before how we seem able to turn our best behavior on for those who have less intimate relationships with us, yet we let the bad behavior flow freely with those closest to us.
This reading, in addition to learning how damaging habits can affect our marital relationships, really struck a chord with me. I need to work harder on remembering that I am in control of how I react to the emotions I feel and that I can build better strategies that will be more conducive to a healthier marriage and healthier home.
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